Byakuya,The flying pig!
by Shi Daisy
Summary: When Byakuya tries to get back at Mayuri his plan backfires and he turns into… A flying pig!
1. Bya-Ku

Hello so here's chapter 1 of my new crackfick "Byakuya, The flying pig!" I know its weird but theidea came from my BFF we were talking about a dare and then I told her "I'll do it when Byakuya turns into a flying pig" and then we both decided to write this crazy stuff. At least I hope it's funny

Fanfic: Byakuya, The flying pig! (Bleach)

Rating: T

Time set: After fullbring arc

Parings: Byanoe & Ichiruki

Plot: When Byakuya tries to get back at Mayuri his plan backfires and he turns into… A flying pig?!

* * *

_**Chapter 1: Bya-Ku**_

Byakuya stormed down the hall heading for the 12th division looking was beyond pissed. This was the third time this week! Mayuri was always late to the meetings. Did that clown face jerk think the others had all the day to wait for him?! Well he was certainly wrong! Now he was gonna get it.

"Where is Captain Kurotsuchi?" His voice was loud and angry. The members of squad 12 pointed nerviously to the door that led to Mayuri's lab.

Byakuya came in and was surprised that there was no one in sight. The lab was full of chemicals and weird objects but no sign of Mayuri or Nemu.

"That man is a real jerk"

Then the idea hit him. Byakuya could break one of his little toys and the mad scientist will learn to show up in time. But which one of them? Then he saw it, a blue box with a black button and drawings that seemed to resemble…pigs? No matter it looked perfect. Byakuya lifted the box up and the dropped it. But he din't expect THIS to happen.

* * *

"Damn you Nemu, couldn't you tell me there was a meeting earlier! They are boring as hell but I don't want to hear Byakuya's whining!"

"Im sorry Mayuri-Sama" Nemu bowed and left.

Mayuri opened the door to his lab, only to find Byakuya's haori on the floor.

"What the-"

Then he saw it. A cute big eyed,pink pig with a pair of small black wings. But the pig seemed to be sending him a death glare.

"Kuchiki?"

"Oink!"

Byakuya was stunned, not only did he became a pig but now he couldn't talk. Just great the 28th head of the Kuchiki house was now a piece of bacon with legs.

Mayuri burst out laughing like a maniac. This was by far the best thing that ever happened to him. But then his laughing stoped, he saw his new invention broken on the floor near the Byakuya-pig.

"Great! That is just great Kuchiki, Now I can't turn you back to normal!"

Byakuya almost fainted. Almost. He was stuck like a pig?!

"Hmm, it seems we have a problem. Until I don't fix the machine you are stuck as piggy. So you'll need to lay low…and I know just how to do that." Mayuri had the scariest grin on his face. Poor Byakuya pig.

* * *

"You want me to what?!" Noelia's face looked as if they had asked her to jump of the Empire State.

"You have to keep Byakuya for a while. If he's a pig he can't stay here. I need to fix the machine he broke. I have installed a translator so you can understand him only."

"Why me?"

"Ichigo would freak,Inoue is on a trip, Sado is here training and Ishida won't do it"

"I guess I could"

"Great, No one can know he's Byakuya. Not even Rukia. You just say he's a pet you are baby sitting from one of your rockstar friends like Pony Oseburn"

"Its Ozzy Osburne , and I can pull it off. Now he'll be Bya-ku"

"Why do I have to stay with the emo singer? and have that stupid name?!" Byakuya was mad. Now he had to live with his ex-lieutenant?

"Look Bya-ku. Im no longer your lieutenant and I seem to be even bigger than you now, so you should be grateful that Im taking you in."

Noelia picked up Bya-ku the pig and walked out. Now the shit just got real!

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I know this is weird but I wanted to write it. There will be more chapters soon. I'll update faster if you review. So see ya soon!


	2. Cute?

Hello! Here's the 2nd chapter of Byakuya the flying pig! Hope you like

_**Chapter 2:Cute?**_

After Noelia arrived at her house she placed Byakuya on the sofa.

"Okay, Byakuya I know we are not in best terms, ya problably still think im an emo singer with the worst voice and I still think you're a stuck up. But now we will have to put that aside because you are pig and I have a concert in a week. Acording to Mayuri he will have the machine fixed in 2 days , so let's just get along." Noelia finished

"I agree that we should get along but why the silly name?" Byakuya asked

"Simple. If Rukia or any of the others come here Im not gonna tell them you turned into a flying pig. Hence ill just say im pet sitting for…hmm… I know John Cooper!"

"Who is that?"

"One of my fave singers. Now Rukia is coming over with Ururu and Im the only one who can understand you. So if you need anything you can tell me"

"Allright, Im staying here with you"

"Oh no you are not! This is a girl talk!"

"and now im just a pig. So im staying"

"Ahggg! I forgot how fuckin' anoying you can get!"

* * *

"Hi Noelia"

"Hello miss Noelia"

"Hi girls"

Noelia opened the door and let Rukia and Ururu in. When they were all in the living room, Rukia squaled.

"Who is this cute little pig?"

"This is Bya-Ku. Im pet sitting for John Cooper."

"He's cute. I din't know John had a pig…wait, he has black wings?"

"They are fake. See."

Noelia pulled Bya-Ku's wing and he woman was way out of control. Nobody touches the head of the Kuchiki family so easily"

"Oink"

"he so cute"

Ururu hugged the cute pig.

"I've always wanted a pet"

Byakuya froze. He really din't like being squeezed by a child but he could let it go for now. He knew how it was to want a pet but never get one, when he was a little boy in the Kuchiki house he was always busy, taking classes, learning posture and manners. He felt loved by his parents and Granfather but he really wanted an animal of some sort. He snuggled close to Ururu and closed his eyes.

"Rukia are you tearing up?"

"A bit. This is so adorable!"

"Speakin about adorable. How are things going between you and Ichigo?"

Byakuya inmidiatly opened his eyes.

"What do you mean Rukia and that Kurosaki punk?!"

Sadly the only one who could understand that was Noelia and she just glared at Bya-ku

"Um Noe. Why is the pig squealing?"Rukia asked.

"I told him to stay in his room but I guess he wanted to listen to the conversation and he got what he deserved" Noelia answered

"Poor pig." Ururu hugged Bya-Ku again.

'Great' Byakuya thought. 'Rukia is the girlfriend of that dummy Kurosaki'

"Well things are going well with Ichigo. Yesterday he took me to the movies and since his family was away we-" Rukia cut off what she was saying because there was a little kid in the room.

Byakuya was boiling. That punk corrupted his sister's innocence!...He should have seen it coming.

"Well girls. I need to buy new clothes so why don't we go to Hot Topic?"

"Id go, what about you Ururu?"

"yay I'd go too."

"Then let's go…But to the one in Puerto Rico. Lemme just get a leash for Bya-Ku and we can go"

Damn! Byakuya thought. Puerto Rico was Noelia's natal island, a wild animal in it's natural habitat was going to be catastrophic!

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Done with chapter 2! I know this story is kinda weird but it's a crackfic! Anyways if you review I will give you a cookie so click that button down there! See ya!


	3. This little piggy went to Hot Topic

Chapter 3! Really, No reviews? Oh well I will survive. Anyway this chapter is a bit !

**_Chapter 3: This little piggy went to Hot Topic_**

"OMG!" Rukia's scream could be trough the whole Catalina's mall.

"Rukia you are sooo gonna give Bya-Ku a headache and frankly me too."

"Sorry, Its been so long since we've been here."

Rukia's already been in this island? Without his permission?! Byakuya was not happy to hear that. Going to an island halfway around the world was something she had to ask permission for.

"Here we are girls, my paradaise….HOT TOPIC!"

Hot Topic? Where have by he heard that before….Oh no! That was the store for emos and he was not going to be in the same store as Noelia! Byakuya began squealing and holding onto the floor and Noelia had to pull the leash a little harder.

"Would you just stop being such a pain in the ass Bya-Ku! It's just a store! This is important. Besides if you would just cooperate it won't be so hard! Gimmie a break please!

Well, better get this done fast. The sooner the better. Byakuya stood up and followed the girls into the store. It was dark and the music they were playing was too loud…and too vulgar

"Bya-Ku I know you think this song is vulgar, I know it but its almost over"

"Why do you like this music?"

"Because each song express a different emotion. Emo dosen't mean crying about everything and slicing skin open. It means EMOtional"

Well that was unexpected. Noelia speaking with such a serious tone, it clashed with her laid-back nature. Maybe over the years she grew more mature. 'Or you finally broke her' Byakuya thought. When she was his lieutenant he was always so bitter and here he was now. With her, because she was the only one who agreed to help him. All those years of making her feel so useless and unapraciated came back. and so did guilt

"Hey Noe what do you think of this for the concert?"

Byakuya's jaw droped. Rukia came out in a black mini skirt with a long sleeved purple shirt that said 'KISS' and black leggings with purple hearts and a pair hight heal boots.

"Perfect" Noelia grinned. This takes the cake. Bya-Ku is so gonna explode. And indeed he did, Bya-Ku stared squealing and running around.

"It seems the pig is a little nervious" Ururu looked at Bya-Ku and smiled. He was cute when he was mad."How do I look Bya-Ku?" Ururu wore a grey dress with black short sleeves and a cross necklace. She looked so cute. Well for that clothing. Bya-Ku just smiled and oinked. It was nice to help a little girl.

"Well girls im gonna try this on. So Rukia you watch Bya-Ku"

"Ok. Ururu honey would you mind looking for jelwery?"

"Not at all Rukia-San"

Ururu left Rukia with Bya-ku.

"Look Bya-Ku this machine is to find whatever you want in the store. If I type 'Noelia Izanami' We can get all the stuff about Noe in the store… You know my brother dosen't like her that much. She really loved him and he hurt her. he really knows how to do that ,you know"

That was not true! Byakuya and Noelia might fight but they were friends…Right? Now he wasn't so sure. And did Rukia really think that of him? She and Noelia were like sisters. She was there all the years Byakuya wouldn't even look at her. Maybe Noelia was more than an emo singer soul reaper. Rukia was right,

"Bya-Ku? You seem sad. Wanna see your owner?" Rukia typed Skillet on the computer and a shirt with the band members appeared."Look Bya-Ku there's John. He sung a duet with Noelia once. Have you heard it?"

No. He din't. Ever since he found out Noelia left Soul Society to be a singer he din't even listen to her music. He could see it clearly now. The times he thought Noelia was the selfish. The times he tought Rukia was the ungrateful. They weren't those things, He was. Selfish to keep Noelia away from her dream and ungrateful to have Rukia's caring. Oh how would Hisana feel if she knew… That thought was too much. Tears pooled in his big piggy eyes.

"Hey girls do I look good?"

Noelia came out in a pair of high heel boots with chains,she had skinny ripped out blue jeans and to Byakuya's surprise she had a black shirt that said 'Hisana the bride married to the heart of ice'

"You are gonna use the shirt from the song Hisana?"Rukia asked her.

"Yes. This concert can determinate if I get a grammy or not. And I really loved this song, I wrote it in honor of Hisana. She deserves to be the reason of my success. Because of her I met you. And you beaceme my friend. She was one of my inspirations."

"Thanks Noe, She would love it"

"I know, I wish she could have seen it"

This surprised Byakuya greatly. Noelia liked Hisana. He thought that she despised her for abandoning Rukia as a baby. But both of them seemed to care deeply about Hisana.

"Well I guess I got my outfit .If you girls finished we should pay and get something to eat."

'Maybe coming here wasn't so bad after all' Byakuya thought. He had realize many things. Now he would just have to fix them. Hopefully it was not too late

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Done! Geez there was more drama than comedy in this one. Next chapter will have drama too. But not without a classic moment between Byakuya and Ichigo. Please review. Until later!


	4. Listen

Chapter 4! I want to thank Red Cr0w for reviewing. Anyways here's the chappy. It's mostly a drama chapter. So beware the novel like scenario.

_**Chapter 4: Listen**_

The group paid and then left the store. Byakuya was still thinking about what Noelia said. It was difficult to admit he was wrong. A Kuchiki was always thought to never admit that they were wrong. Either way he had to apologize. Then the girls bought some take out and as they were back at Noelia's house in about 2 hours. Who knew you could travel from the other side of the world that fast in a plane?

"Ok. So now we- "

Before Noelia could speak Rukia squealed. Ichigo was at the living room.

"Hi girls, How's my dear Rukia midget"

"We're all fine Ichigo-baka." Rukia sat down beside her boyfriend and kissed his cheek. Byakuya was so mad right now. Why of all the people she could have Rukia chose Ichigo?!

"So what you been up to?"Noelia sat down with Ururu and Bya-Ku on her lap.

"Well not much. I came here hoping I could steal Rukia from you."

"She's all yours."Noelia winked. Both Ichigo and Rukia left to who knows Byakuya was almost on fire. Noelia was supposed to look out for Rukia here in the human world. Not play matchmaker. How could she leave her alone with the Kurosaki brat?!

Ururu yawned and distracted Byakuya from his musings.

"Are you tired cutie?" Noelia softly asked Ururu. Ururu nodded. "Go take a nap on my bed. I'll wake when your parents come to pick you up." Ururu nodded again, She hugged Noelia and Bya-Ku and left the room. After she left Byakuya got of the couch and stared talking.

"Why do let Rukia run off with that punk!? You know exactly how I feel about him!"

"I Know you hate ichigo. But this isn't about you or me. This is about Rukia. She loves him. I thought you would accept that."

"I don't ! Rukia is a noble she-" Before Byakuya could finish Noelia slapped him. This was the second time she did that. At least this one din't hurt as much.

"Listen to me and listen good,I don't give a fuck what you think about Ichigo and Rukia's relationship! Rukia loves you even if you din't look at her for years, even if you tried to turn her into your twisted version of a 'noble'. Can't you let her be happy?! She's done all she can to uphold your honor, to make you proud and in all the years I've known you two I never heard you tell her that you love her or that you are proud, you haven't even said that you care! All those nights that she ended up in my bed hugging me because she needed comfort, she wanted to feel loved, needed, useful and I gave her that but you never did! And that is something I would never forgive you for!So don't go saying you don't agree with her choice's cause you don't even have the right to be called her brother!"Noelia's face was red and her eyes watery, she then headed for the kitchen to get some ice.

"Why do you care so much about her?! I have hurt you too. We fought when Renji and I came to arrest her, I gave you that permanent scar you have on your waist. We fought again on Soyokuu hill. I almost killed you. When you were my lieutenant I never acknowledge you as such. Why don't you care about yourself for once?!"

Noelia turned and glared at Byakuya.

"Because I only care about the people that deserve it. I know that Im filthy, annoying ,useless, disturbing, and crazy, I don't give a shit about what happens to me cause I know that Im not a good person. Rukia is brave, sweet, Strong and deserves my caring. But I don't care about myself. And Im okay with fact I like it better this makes me happy."

After saying that,Noelia left to check on Ururu. Byakuya just stood in place. Guilt hit him again. Noelia din't care about herself. Because that is what she was thought. Her father constantly blamed her for the death of her mother, Being a noble she had to live in a world that she was highly against , to do what she wanted she had to leave Rukia. She went from a cute cheerful little girl to a depressive, alcoholic emo singer. And as much as he hated it this was partly his fault. Knowing about her situation he never helped her, he never told her that she did a good job, he constantly treated her wrong, He insulted her, when all she did was care about him and Rukia. Now he felt like a monster.

"Bya-Ku?" Ururu's voice echoed in the room. She hugged Bya-Ku. "Don't cry Bya. Do you miss your owner?" Noe he did not, he wanted to hit himself for being such an idiot. Ururu picked Bya-Ku and sat with him on the chair close to the window. She caressed his head and Bya-Ku closed his eyes. The Ichigo came trough the window and yelled "NOELIA!"Byakuya's ears almost exploded. This was the second time Ichigo did this.

"Noelia is in her bedroom Ichigo-San."Ururu acted as if nothing had happened. Then Ichigo left to get Noelia. After 5 minutes Ichigo came out with Noelia and both their faces were sad.

"Ururu. We have bad news."

"What is Noelia-San?"Ururu placed Bya-Ku on the chair.

"…Your parents…ared dead. Ichigo told me they died in a car crash and he had konso preformed on them."

"Oh"Ururu's face was the same as always. Then she cried. Noelia hugged the little girl. "Ururu my dear listen to me, Im going to adopt you ok. I know you work for Kisuke but I want to have you close to me for now, kay honey." Ururu buried her face in Noelia's chest. Byakuya could only watch the sad scene. He knew how that felt. When his parents died. He had his grandfather but nothing compares to that pain. Then he noticed Noelia had cuts on her wrist that were still bleeding. This night couldn't get worse.

"Ichigo"

"Yes Noelia?"

"Where's Rukia?"

"I left her at home with dad and the girls"

It got worse. Rukia was at the house of that punk. But now he had to help Ururu. He walked over to her and she inmidiatly hugged Byakuya. He din't listen to Rukia's crying but now he had to listen to Ururu's crying, because if he din't he wouldn't forgive himself.

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Too much drama now that I think about it. But no worries I will put more comedy in the next one. See you later.


	5. Understand

Heya! So I was bored and inspiration struck so I wrote this chappy. Thanks to Red Cr0w for reviewing! But I've got bad news I stared school so I might take a bit more to update.

_**Chapter 5: Understand**_

By far this was one the second worst night of Byakuya's life. The worst being the night Hisana died. He decided to sleep on the couch and let Noelia stay with Ururu. A little before 8:00 a.m Byakuya began hearing some very loud music and he was sure that was Noelia's radio.

_**oh my God, **_

_**oh my God, **_

_**if only he knew, **_

_**if only he knew, **_

_**if only he knew about the world **_

_**without the bullshit and the lies. **_

_**We could've saved him, **_

_**they could've saved me. **_

_**But instead I'm here drowning **_

_**in my own fucking mind, **_

_**and I'll be damned if you're the death of me. **_

Yup. That was one of the scary songs she liked. But who sung it? Problably one of those crazy wackos.

"Good Morning Bya-Ku!" Noelia grinned. Ok that was weird, yesterday she looked like Jason from Friday 13 and now she was smiling. Maybe she was high on something.

"Um…Good Morning?"

"You slept well?"

"Yeah. How's Ururu?"

"She feels better. Im glad she's ok but Im worried."

"Me too…Listen Noelia I wanted to say Im-"

"Forget it. I know how difficult apologizing is to you. I know you're sorry so apology excepted."

"Thank you"

"No problem"

_**Blood and ink stain the walls,  
silently with bloodied knuckles, carry on,  
hoping it's not too wrong.  
You said the nights were far too long.  
Honey, it's just the start of it.**_

_**Oh my God,**_  
_**if he only knew.**_  
_**Oh my God,**_  
_**if only he knew,**_  
_**if only he knew,**_  
_**if only he knew.**_  
_**Just stand up and scream,**_  
_**the tainted clock is counting down.**_  
_**You gave in to me,**_  
_**would you say the nights are far too long now?**_

_**Oh my God,**_  
_**oh my fucking God**_  
_**The tears that stain my cheek**_  
_**must me look weak,**_  
_**I wear them proudly, I wear them proud.**_

"How can you listen to this without getting a headache?" Byakuya was already ditzy. Those men din't sing they screamed.

"Easy, Because I sing like them." Noelia stared singing in time with the radio. Her voice was softer but it was still similar.

_**Just stand up and scream,  
the tainted clock is counting down.  
You gave in to me,  
would you say the nights are far too long now?**_

_**Your knife,**_  
_**my back.**_  
_**My gun,**_  
_**your head.**_

_**Your knife,**_  
_**my back.**_  
_**My gun,**_  
_**your head.**_

Noelia turned off the radio and looked at Byakuya he had a scared face.

"What?"

"Since when can you do that?"

"Ever since I was 10."

"Impressive. But how can you do that?"

"It's like opera but heavier. Anyways I was thinking since you are now a flying pig. That means you can fly?"

"I guess , let me try" Byakuya slowly mowed his wings and he managed to fly across the living room. Then Noelia caught him.

"Well that's a yes. Now I know you won't like this but Ichigo and Rukia are coming over."

"I don't care. Besides this is your house. Im just here as a visitor."

"Well then ok. Now let me get you breakfeast."

After 2 hours Ichigo and Rukia arrived. And as soon as Byakuya saw Ichigo he decided to do something mature. He chased him around Ichigo was running around scared

"Yup I knew he'd do that"

"Why so Noe?" Rukia asked her.

"He reminds me of your brother."

"I agree"

"Well, Ill grab the snacks, you pick the movies. Bya-Ku you sit on the couch."'

Byakuya just smiled. Well this was certainly fun. Now he just hoped Mayuri could change him back to normal and this was going to be all fine. The only downside he was gonna have to stand Ichigo and Rukia's lovey-doveyness for a little while.

"Hey Noelia"

"What is it Ichigo?"

"Well Rukia and I were thinking. We should tell Byakuya we're a couple. What do you think"

Noelia had a serious face.

"Well, I think you should tell hiem, Byakuya has his flaws and I know that better than anyone but he still deserves trust. Besides he must have his reasons."

"I thought you might say that"

"Yeah me too. Well we will tell him, but now I think we should watch dead silence!"

"Fine but the first time we watched this you BOTH cried like babies"

Both Rukia and Ichigo blushed. Byakuya just laughed. Well he might not be ok with this but he could get used to it.

When Ururu woke up she watched the movie with the others. Suprisingly she and Noelia were the only ones who weren't scared. Byakuya was seriously staring to question who was more crazy if the humans or the reapers. After Ichigo and Rukia left. Ururu was playing some games in her new room and Byakuya and Noelia were talking.

"Byakuya"

"Yes."

"I just want to know why don't you like Ichigo and Rukia together?"

"Its not that I think they shouldn't be together. Its just that…You know what happened with me and Hisana, She wasn't a noble I still married her. But after she died I realized I dishonored the whole family. I don't want that to happen to Rukia. If she and Ichigo get married and he dies..She'd had to go thorugh the same pain."  
"I understand your view but… You were happy with Hisana, right?"  
"Yes"

"Well you should just think Rukia will be happy with Ichigo no matter what. Besides he's not noble but he saved Soul Society's butt din't he? So I guess he's allowed to marry a noble."  
"Yeah. You're right."  
"Glad we agree"  
"Noelia…Have you ever thought of coming back to the Society?"

"Yes. But With my dad as head captain. Its still sucks"  
"Yeah. I respect Head Captain Yamamoto but…He wasn't the best father."  
"Meh. He could have been worst. But that's the past. Im glad you don't hate Ichigo after all"

"He defeated me. So he earned my respect since then"

Being a pig wasn't so good but at least Byakuya could finally understand some things that would have hunted him forever. Even if he hated to admit it he had to thank Mayuri when he got back home.

* * *

Aww finally things are getting better for Mr. Bya-Ku. Well next chapter Byakuya enjoys the rest of his time on when he gets to Soul Society things will get crazy. See you soon!


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